An old man calls his son and says, “Listen, your mother and I are getting divorced.”

 An elderly man calls his son and says, "Listen, your mother and I have decided to get a divorce. Forty-five years of this misery is enough."

Shocked, the son shouts, "What are you talking about, Dad?"

The father replies, "We can’t stand each other anymore. I’m tired of her, she’s tired of me, and I’m done discussing it. Call your sister and tell her," and then hangs up.

Panicking, the son calls his sister and tells her everything. Furious, she exclaims, "No way they’re getting divorced!" She immediately calls their father.

"Don’t you dare do anything drastic!" she yells. "You’re not getting divorced! My brother and I are flying home tomorrow to talk about this. Until then, don’t speak to a lawyer or file any paperwork. Do you hear me?" Then she slams the phone down.

The old man turns to his wife with a grin and says, "Well, they’re both coming home for Christmas—and they’re paying for their own tickets!"

A Blind Cowboy Tells A Blonde Joke To A Bar Full Of Blondes

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake, finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, ”Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to the old blind cowboy says, “Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five important things.

1. The bartender is a blonde girl who’s holding a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a billy-club.

3. I’m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blond woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.

Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blond joke?”

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, “Well hell no, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”